Oblivious
by Talented Cat
Summary: Sanzo has trouble expressing himself when it comes to a certain monkey. Sanzo POV, tiny hints of Sanzo/Goku, and mild language. One-shot.


Oblivious  
  
He's a complete idiot. Obnoxious, frustrating, whiney, pouty, noisy, and an utter simpleton. What little mind he has is completely one-track. His thoughts never go past his own (and possibly his companions') immediate needs. Always "Sanzo, I'm hungry," "Sanzo, can you buy me some...," "Sanzo, I'm really hungry." Has he ever listened to himself? Is he aware of the words issuing from his lips? Does he have any idea how ridiculous he sounds? Of course not. He never realizes his rudeness, his childishness, his innocence...  
  
Back up there. This is not the direction I meant to be going.  
  
This is exactly why I can't stand him. He--he just gets to me. I can't control him, and as predictable as his behavior usually is there are times when he takes me completely by surprise. Hell, I have trouble with my own emotions, so how can I be expected to handle his? Thank God that it's not usually a problem for him. It scares me when he's serious--don't ask me why, I don't know myself. And I hate being scared. I hate--  
  
No, I suppose I don't mean that either. Didn't I tell you I had trouble with my emotions? Where was I...oh, yes. His stupidity.  
  
Truthfully I'm not sure why he acts the way he does--is he really as simple- minded as he would have me think, or is he as confused as I am? I admit, I wouldn't be surprised either way--I know firsthand the effects of emotional strain. It's this pressure inside me that drives me to smoke, to drink, to violence and anger. Doubtless I would be a completely different person without him...well, perhaps not quite completely different. Without him I'd probably continue my unholy lifestyle out of bitterness. Not that I'm bitter now, of course.  
  
Shut up. I know what you're thinking, so just shut up. Say it out loud and I guarantee I will kill you. Who's bitter? It's probably just a calcium deficiency.  
  
If only it were that simple...  
  
Simple...  
  
Oh right, that's what I was originally telling you about, wasn't it? How simple he is. How foolish and trusting. How ridiculous and...  
  
Hmm. I realize now what this sounds like. I suppose you could say that I am obsessed, to an extent. I don't stalk him or spy on him or steal his underwear. But lately he has been crowding my thoughts (and my personal space). I can't get rid of him! I couldn't turn away when I found him inside that prison. I couldn't scare him away with my bad temper, threats and insults. I couldn't let him die, I couldn't leave him with that bastard god, and now I can't get him out of my brain. A bullet would, but I'm not that desperate...yet.  
  
He makes me uncomfortable and irritable. I get angry when he bickers with that perverted redhead, and I don't know why. I know I'm not jealous of that kappa--the day I'm jealous of him is the day I seduce that shitty old hag.  
  
Now there's a mental image I could have lived without.  
  
Frankly I think I get angry because he annoys me. He moves too much-- pushing the kappa, squirming around in the jeep when he's restless, putting his hand on my shoulder when he leans up front. He has no sense of decency!? Invading my personal space! Any lesser creature would be shot in the head for that. I can't stand his careless gestures. It makes it...  
  
I can't do this. What the hell is wrong with me? Now can you see what he does to me? I shouldn't be telling you this. I shouldn't be telling anyone this. He's making me weak. Completely unbearable...  
  
...  
  
To hell with this. I can't take it anymore. You're going to listen, and you're going to listen good, or I shoot your heart out of your chest. Understand? Good.  
  
What I mean is...when he doesn't notice what he's doing, when he's oblivious to his actions, and he doesn't see how his palm rests comfortably on my shoulder...it makes it less special. If he doesn't acknowledge it as a significant gesture, then why should I dwell on it so much? That's the problem with him. He...he affects me, and he's completely oblivious. That monkey...he has no idea. Clueless, as expected. I hate it when he touches me, I hate it, I don't want it to happen, not like that...  
  
Dammit, I don't know what I want. I want him to leave me the hell alone, but at the same time I want him to realize, to accept...something. I'm not sure. I haven't thought about it this much, okay?! I don't need this. It's hard enough fighting off millions of youkai and insane gods without this soap opera. I swear they put me on this mission to drive me to suicide.  
  
I hadn't realized I could be so complaining. I'm starting to sound like the monkey with all this whining. I must have gotten a bit carried away, ne? But you know how it is when you discuss something you're passionate about. And now that I've got all this off my chest--if you breathe a word of this to anyone, living, dead or otherwise, I will hunt you down and strangle you myself. After I beat the shit out of you, of course.  
  
Ah, I knew you'd understand. Let's do this again sometime? ...No? Pity. 


End file.
